Landmark Worldwide

The ‘color’ of money …

In late March, I was participating in a developmental course, “An Inquiry into Life, Living, and Self.” As part of our conversation, we were challenged to distinguish an area of life where we were committed to growth and development. I instantly reported that I wanted a breakthrough in the area of monetizing what I do ~ and I sounded as excited saying it as you were likely feeling while reading that. It was obviously not something that was inspiring to me. I was not lit up thinking about it. Obviously.

 

Over the course of the weekend and through a number of great interactions with my fellow participants, I discovered that I am really curious about “Wonder” and what we wonder about … which led me to investigating what money, and specifically, what billing clients meant to me. I noticed that I am regularly not charging, undercharging, giving major discounts, and just routinely avoiding collecting money … from clients or otherwise.

 

My resistance to collecting fees from clients has led to several (or more) issues for me, from juggling payments to avoiding certain situations where I think I might not be able to afford whatever it is I am being asked to do. This is a familiar pattern, one I developed growing up in a family of 10 folks with a teacher for a dad and a nurse for a mom. (In my home state, both those professions are at least 15% lower than the national average in their categories.) I would not trade my family nor my upbringing for the world. I would, however, prefer a distinct view of my own value, especially financially.

 

So today, I sat down and prepared invoices. I did not cut corners. I did not discount. I charged what I provided. I sent those invoices … and the earth is still spinning. Really.

 

And as I worked through the process over the last couple weeks, I have received a couple checks, unexpected, from odd sources. I got a referral check from a car dealership for bringing someone to buy a car. I got a check from the used bookstore for my excess books. I got cash from a thrift store for some items I provided on consignment. I even got cash and checks from clients.

 

Clearly, I have disrupted a pattern on being unable to ask for money. And the great part? Today, after those invoices were sent this morning, I had a great day. My experience of myself is of being valued and valuable, of being wanted and needed, of being worthy. I felt most of that before … just did not have the dollars to match my own sense of worth. Now, I can pay all the bills without juggling.

 

I am deeply grateful to those who have and continue to contribute to my growth and development. If becoming a stronger person allows me to make a difference, it is worth whatever pain and embarrassment it takes to get there.

Categories: Health and Wellness, Landmark Worldwide, Risk, Transformation | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

After 48 years of abject fear, I finally learned to SWIM!!!

When I was six years old, I was spilled into the deep end of the Y pool intentionally during swim lessons. They wanted me to catch up to the other kids and tread water. It did not work. I had to be pulled from the water by my younger brother. As a teenager, I was taking a tippee test at Camp Tahepia on Georgetown Lake and was pulled from the water by our lifeguard. I was going down again.

Since then, I have not been in the water any higher than my chest and never when I could not touch the bottom of the pool or lake. I have always been afraid of the water.

Until today …

 

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On Monday morning, I got into this water at the Grand Velas Resort in Puerto Vallarta and spent an hour learning to swim. I discovered that I was struggling, even when the water was able to hold me. I found that I stopped breathing which made me sink faster … which did not help me to swim. I learned how to stand without scrambling for the bottom of the pool. I floated on my back, breathing, eyes open, enjoying the sun’s rays and the last glimpses of the moon. And I swam. For the first time in my life, I swam. On Wednesday, I returned for a further lesson. I am thrilled to report that I swam! On my back! On my front! Alone! And I have played in the water a number of times since… and lived to tell of it.

What I discovered is that my six year old self’s brain patterns were very successful in helping me avoid shock and loss … when I was six. And I found that I could alter those brain patterns. By shifting my breathing and my actions, my brain followed suit.

I am so thankful formy friend Christine Arbor for her patience and compassion as I worked through all of it. It is so shocking to me that after all this time, I could overcome my fear. Thanks, my friend, for opening up 70% of the planet to me.

What fear shall I conquer next?

Categories: Health and Wellness, Landmark Worldwide, Risk, Transformation | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The World is Your Stage ~ Results from a Workshop

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Mary Poppin’s London

 

This photo was taken from the bridge near my hotel in London, the setting the last week of September for The World is Your Stage Workshop. Even though I knew from others who had attended before me that it would be an amazing weekend, I was unprepared for the depth, breadth, and reach of the transformation available.

To describe the contents of the course would have little effect on your view of the workshop. What I want to share with you is the daily impact the course has had on me, the difference this has made in the lives of those around me, and the opportunities that have unfolded from my having participated.

My wardrobe is completely new. I’ve purchased new clothes that are a match for my commitments. Each day, I dress for every scene, each act, according to the character in that setting. Instead of avoiding choosing an outfit for the day, I look forward to creating. I have organized what I have so that I can make use of accessories and shoes that I had forgotten I owned, those items having been buried in the bottom of the closet. As a result, people have not recognized me at galas, been surprised by me at events, and commented that I must have lost weight. Yep. I’ve done that too.

A major accomplishment is the completion of a case that had been stagnant for nearly three years. As counsel for the past two years, I was committed to getting it done before the holidays. Through September, nothing from mediation to motions to judge’s threats resulted in any forward motion in the matter. After returning from London, I took on being awe-struck, vital and vulnerable and had conversations with my client, the other attorney, and the court about how the case could be resolved. The court finalized the matter ten days ago and today, the final papers were completed. This was not a foreseeable future. The families involved in the case are clearly more at ease, looking forward to the holidays rather than dreading them for another year.

With regard to my space (from the car to the office to the home to the closets and drawers in the home) I took on creating a stage worth playing. In the past seven weeks, I have cleared the filing piles at home and office, listed items for sale and given other items away, organized books, movies, and music. The organizing of music was a miracle in and of itself as I had given up that I would ever find some 500 CDs that I had stored in a box in 2008, separate from their jewel boxes. Just yesterday, I found the box and all the CDs. As I write, all the media is sorted, organized, and in place. I can now find what I am looking for and last night, I slept peacefully, no attention on the missing discs.

During the course, I saw how I walked through the display of my understudy. It was a true blessing to be able to see what others had seen; I have long been told that I walk like my dad did, and I did not know what that meant. What I saw was a bit disturbing, as I saw someone who came at others full force, ready to pounce. Since the weekend, I have been more aware of how I carry myself, what I intend by my approach to a room or a space, and who the others in that space are. I have become softer, more approachable, and embodied my intentions of being vulnerable and available. Today, I had a conversations with a client, court attorney, and opposing counsel in a somewhat contentious situation. Previously, the opposing counsel and I had a conflict between us which required a mediator to resolve. Today, I was greeted with a calm, patient, and open person willing to work through things to their completion. I was amazed ~ and inspired by what could happen in many domains of life.

An initiative I took on after returning from the workshop was to do something every day that scares me. I have had a fitting for bras, taken on a cleanse/detox, been in communication with others that I had been avoiding, fulfilled my commitment to each and every client, worn a two-piece swimsuit, made unreasonable requests for support, and invited criticism from my biggest critics ~ all inside a commitment to be available, awe-struck, and of service.

Clearly, the stages where I get to play, the characters I have the privilege of becoming, and the shifting and transforming my life is a process. The scripts are new. The set is novel. And this life? Incredible!

The character I am playing is now living and being awe-struck, available, vulnerable, vivid, and vital. This was, by far, one of the very best weekends of my life.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg …

 

Categories: Actor's Workshop, Landmark Worldwide, Transformation | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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