Posts Tagged With: play
When I was six years old, I was spilled into the deep end of the Y pool intentionally during swim lessons. They wanted me to catch up to the other kids and tread water. It did not work. I had to be pulled from the water by my younger brother. As a teenager, I was taking a tippee test at Camp Tahepia on Georgetown Lake and was pulled from the water by our lifeguard. I was going down again.
Since then, I have not been in the water any higher than my chest and never when I could not touch the bottom of the pool or lake. I have always been afraid of the water.
Until today …
On Monday morning, I got into this water at the Grand Velas Resort in Puerto Vallarta and spent an hour learning to swim. I discovered that I was struggling, even when the water was able to hold me. I found that I stopped breathing which made me sink faster … which did not help me to swim. I learned how to stand without scrambling for the bottom of the pool. I floated on my back, breathing, eyes open, enjoying the sun’s rays and the last glimpses of the moon. And I swam. For the first time in my life, I swam. On Wednesday, I returned for a further lesson. I am thrilled to report that I swam! On my back! On my front! Alone! And I have played in the water a number of times since… and lived to tell of it.
What I discovered is that my six year old self’s brain patterns were very successful in helping me avoid shock and loss … when I was six. And I found that I could alter those brain patterns. By shifting my breathing and my actions, my brain followed suit.
I am so thankful formy friend Christine Arbor for her patience and compassion as I worked through all of it. It is so shocking to me that after all this time, I could overcome my fear. Thanks, my friend, for opening up 70% of the planet to me.
What fear shall I conquer next?
This photo was taken from the bridge near my hotel in London, the setting the last week of September for The World is Your Stage Workshop. Even though I knew from others who had attended before me that it would be an amazing weekend, I was unprepared for the depth, breadth, and reach of the transformation available.
To describe the contents of the course would have little effect on your view of the workshop. What I want to share with you is the daily impact the course has had on me, the difference this has made in the lives of those around me, and the opportunities that have unfolded from my having participated.
My wardrobe is completely new. I’ve purchased new clothes that are a match for my commitments. Each day, I dress for every scene, each act, according to the character in that setting. Instead of avoiding choosing an outfit for the day, I look forward to creating. I have organized what I have so that I can make use of accessories and shoes that I had forgotten I owned, those items having been buried in the bottom of the closet. As a result, people have not recognized me at galas, been surprised by me at events, and commented that I must have lost weight. Yep. I’ve done that too.
A major accomplishment is the completion of a case that had been stagnant for nearly three years. As counsel for the past two years, I was committed to getting it done before the holidays. Through September, nothing from mediation to motions to judge’s threats resulted in any forward motion in the matter. After returning from London, I took on being awe-struck, vital and vulnerable and had conversations with my client, the other attorney, and the court about how the case could be resolved. The court finalized the matter ten days ago and today, the final papers were completed. This was not a foreseeable future. The families involved in the case are clearly more at ease, looking forward to the holidays rather than dreading them for another year.
With regard to my space (from the car to the office to the home to the closets and drawers in the home) I took on creating a stage worth playing. In the past seven weeks, I have cleared the filing piles at home and office, listed items for sale and given other items away, organized books, movies, and music. The organizing of music was a miracle in and of itself as I had given up that I would ever find some 500 CDs that I had stored in a box in 2008, separate from their jewel boxes. Just yesterday, I found the box and all the CDs. As I write, all the media is sorted, organized, and in place. I can now find what I am looking for and last night, I slept peacefully, no attention on the missing discs.
During the course, I saw how I walked through the display of my understudy. It was a true blessing to be able to see what others had seen; I have long been told that I walk like my dad did, and I did not know what that meant. What I saw was a bit disturbing, as I saw someone who came at others full force, ready to pounce. Since the weekend, I have been more aware of how I carry myself, what I intend by my approach to a room or a space, and who the others in that space are. I have become softer, more approachable, and embodied my intentions of being vulnerable and available. Today, I had a conversations with a client, court attorney, and opposing counsel in a somewhat contentious situation. Previously, the opposing counsel and I had a conflict between us which required a mediator to resolve. Today, I was greeted with a calm, patient, and open person willing to work through things to their completion. I was amazed ~ and inspired by what could happen in many domains of life.
An initiative I took on after returning from the workshop was to do something every day that scares me. I have had a fitting for bras, taken on a cleanse/detox, been in communication with others that I had been avoiding, fulfilled my commitment to each and every client, worn a two-piece swimsuit, made unreasonable requests for support, and invited criticism from my biggest critics ~ all inside a commitment to be available, awe-struck, and of service.
Clearly, the stages where I get to play, the characters I have the privilege of becoming, and the shifting and transforming my life is a process. The scripts are new. The set is novel. And this life? Incredible!
The character I am playing is now living and being awe-struck, available, vulnerable, vivid, and vital. This was, by far, one of the very best weekends of my life.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg …
In honor of the beauty of the fall and after returning from London where I participated in “The World is Your Stage” I knew I had to take on something great! October 2, 2014, I took on a new challenge. In keeping with this Eleanor Roosevelt quote, I am seeking something to do each day that scares me. So far, it has been fairly simple to find those things.
Making unusual requests of people covered the first couple days. On the third day, we held our Board Summit, a first in some time for our Kiwanis club, and I asked questions and invited feedback that scared me. And we all lived ~ thrived, in fact!
The next few days, I invited my mom (then my sisters, then my brothers) to attend the annual dinner for the Silver Bow Butte Kiwanis where I would be installed as president. Used to be that I would do things and then tell my family, somehow embarrassed to tell them what I was doing. Mom and my sister came, bringing my nephew Thommy, a sweetheart and hugger! My niece said yes and came to be with us. My brothers were busy ~ and I may have had something to do with them not being there. I always worry what they think and what they might say ~ we can be a tad sarcastic in the family.
Thursday, the day of the dinner, I took a leap of faith and had my hair and makeup done. Now, makeup is a big dang deal for me as I rarely do more than a cursory blush of makeup. The makeup involved something I have never done before ~ additional eyelashes. While it was awkward to sit quietly for so long, I was happy that I tool the risk.
The weekend brought a new and highly anticipated risk. I travelled to Missoula for a volleyball tourney, not really a risk, and clearly an unplanned excursion. On Saturday, I took another leap ~ getting a proper fitting for a bra. I have been talking about doing this for a few months and have been embarrassed ~ and concerned that I would make a fool of myself. I could not have been more wrong.
The fitting was easy ~ and even though the shop was packed with shoppers, I was so cared for by the staff, getting right into a dressing room, making comments, making changes, changing my mind, changing it back, and ending up at the counter with a collection of products. Then, as if to endorse the risk, I got discounts, bonuses, and even a voucher for my next purchase. To my pleasant surprise, I now have proper undergarments that need no adjusting after I put them on in the morning! (This will also be a relief for those who spend time with me during the days!)
Admitting mistakes publicly, acting even when I am unsure of my steps, and being willing to ask for support seem to be the underpinnings of my scary acts so far. Since I have some 80 days to go, I suspect I will learn much more about what scares me.
Perhaps you have a suggestion for something that may scare me. Perhaps I will take it on. Leave your suggestions here. Maybe it will bring me closer to you.
Who knows? Wanna play!?
I’ve learned two very important lessons during my life. This year, their importance has become more profound. Learning the lessons required unlearning some lessons from childhood. Don’t get me wrong. The childhood lessons were great and gave me access to an amazing life. And those lessons could only take me so far.
The first lesson I am learning (because I have to learn it newly, every time) is to make requests for what I want and what will forward my commitments ~ rather than making requests for what I think I deserve. The childhood lesson centered on two aspects ~ that I needed to earn what I got. That may have meant that I didn’t get to play if I didn’t go to school ~ or that I needed to work hard for rewards and recognition and that life would not hand anything to me. Through practice, I learned to work hard. I learned to do what was right. I learned that life was going to give me what I earned and not a bit more. It could be that I also learned to not believe in miracles; after all, how do you earn a miracle?
The second lesson I am learning is that I cannot do it alone. What ‘it’ is doesn’t matter. There are very few things in life that cannot be accomplished with only my effort. In the process of transitioning my career into something that inspires and moves me, I have been reaching out and building teams ~ getting people on the bandwagon, so to speak. As the oldest in my family, I learned to do for myself, and to then take care of others. While that has served me well in establishing my usefulness and ‘worthiness’, if you will, it has done little to support me in building partnerships ~ or even playing well with others. So, at my ripe old age, I am learning to play well with others. Projects are becoming team driven; I can contribute what I do best and allow for others to do the same. There really are things I don’t know how to do. There are even things I don’t enjoy doing that other people actually LOVE to do. By stepping out of the way, I am building teams for what matters ~ to US.